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My Recurring Lush Nightmare

humor FirstBlush 2018-03-05

"Chris!" With that exuberant syllable I drop the packages just inside the front door and start to rush toward my adorable boyfriend who isn't supposed to be here until tomorrow, but something in his face freeze-frames me like Roadrunner over its ersatz Latin caption. But when in deep anything, keep your mouth shut, so I say not a word and let him spin me in an exaggerated twirl before he pulls me assertively into his arms. "I knew this guy who sent the same set of dirty instructions to all his friends and it pissed me off and I sassed him in schoolgirl character and two stories came out of it." I need to shut up, and fast.

Willacoochee Chicken

humor Adagio 2018-03-05

In Hortense I saw a clue of what I wanted to do, wearing my thinking hat askew, helping Zelda cap her prized red 'mentos with okra. Her pickle eggs didn't do so well at the county fair, seeing as Gerdie our laying hen refused to get laid...Zelda used golf balls and broke three judges teeth. That night jacking off with calf's liver rolled up in a comic book...waking up with assorted colors of ink covering up my skunk tattoo...but I could pull picture hangers from the wall with my hammer. Zelda with an ambidextrous clit can hit with both sides of her clitoris, but is a southpaw when catching in the mitt with her 'mento and tossing the pecan back.


Cockshock, Chapter 1

humor Emerson501 2018-03-03

Reginald Woodrow Buttress felt the deep throb before he opened his eyes. Wrapping his long fingers around his pulsing, rock hard member, Reginald began his typical stroke, slow and light with a little twist at the top. Tom started to ask what he would like to eat and the strange man pushed him hard against the wall, reducing him to a pile of limbs and apron on the floor. When he eventually opened his eyes, he found an old man standing over him, a disgusted gaze on the stiffy that tented Reginald’s pants. Come here, son.” The man extended a yellow hand to help him up but Reginald jerked away from it, like it was a snake. The woman urged Reginald forward, continuing through the waiting room to another hallway, and finally to an exam room.

Lean Acres And Harpoons

humor Adagio 2018-03-02

Like most schools, there was a rumor going around, that Cilla Derk had fucked our high school basketball team a couple months past. He moved in front of me and stood on the commode sink. His dick was now level with my face and it wasn't a far reach for my lips to kiss his little joust of a cock. "Lets all gather in a circle and unite this couple in matrimony," Saying with a straight face, the guru performed a civil ceremony on Cilla and I. Fucking her ass with my snout she shouted, "hallelujah." Then Barkley (Adonis) moved close to me and started sucking my cock. It may sound a difficult feat, but she was ass fucking Cilla with a nipple.

The Tongue Stimulator

humor benawriter 2018-03-01

He had always been able to satisfy his European girlfriend, Yora, when she wanted oral sex from him, but recently she attended a face sitting class with a friend and now seemed obsessed with it. “Your girlfriend likes oral sex from you but your tongue cannot last as long as she needs for complete satisfaction, am I right?” “You mean a pill can make my tongue hard for a long time?” he asked. Riley recalled the receptionist who signed him in, sitting behind the desk and flashing her legs by crossing them several times as he filled out the forms. She entertained herself on his face for almost thirty minutes and Riley was pleased that it was not uncomfortable to service her because she did all the work, attaining orgasm simply by using his stiff tongue.

The Piece Treaty

humor LeanAngle 2018-03-01

“Stay put, I want to know what she told you,” Dave’s very intimidating presence froze Scott and Dave had his clothes on, a shotgun and a crazy look in his eyes. “Stick around and fuck her some more, you got a big dick, or you had one a few minutes ago,” Dave grinned, “Kinda looks like a toasted marshmallow now." “Please stop it, Dave,” Cyn pleaded, “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a heads up before I brought Scott home.” “Dave, if you will just leave us alone for the rest of the night I will bring Jill home and we’ll both suck you, fuck you and you can lick our pussies,” Cyn was really desperate to get Dave out of the room.

The Lady of the House

humor gypsygyrl 2018-02-28

He leaned forward and repeated the statement, even cockier this time, “I said, nothing makes you look good.” “Damn it, Ray. You could have said, ‘You look best with nothing on’ or maybe, ‘You’d look better if you took it off.’ But you actually used ‘Nothing makes you look good’.”  I closed my eyes, surrendering to the feeling as Ray gently lay on top and began kissing me, softly at first and then with more urgency as his tongue explored my mouth. “How could you possibly think a can of cold whipped cream squirted inside me would be a good idea?”  Ray sat on the edge of the bed wiping whipped cream off his face and holding the champagne bottle.

Peek-a-Boo, I-See-You

humor Green_Man 2018-02-28

As I walked towards the coffee shop, I felt the breeze blowing up my short, flimsy skirt, feeling pert, all alert. Then I slowly started spreading my legs to give him and him alone a good shot of my sweet cunny with its triangle of blond hair, so fair and rare. I looked over and was startled to see he had wrapped a hand around his cock, protruding from his shorts, and was jerking off as I diddled my cunny. I was fucking my fingers into my pussy and he was jacking his hard cock. There I poured my coffee into his cup and slowly savored the life sustaining taste of man cum.

The Secret Life of Bellingham Sam

humor magnificent1rascal 2018-02-27

She was still wearing the gorgeous camisole when he began massaging her shoulders, but soon sat forward a few inches and lifted her arms in a silent signal that it was time for the garment to come off, and Sam happily removed both it and his tee shirt. He could tell she was getting close to orgasm, and was grateful because he also knew he couldn’t last much longer; the taunting her fingers were performing on him, coupled with the fantasy that had enabled him to while away the time during the slow drive home, had him primed to shoot his load like a horny 16-year-old, but he dutifully held out for her signal.

Traffic Tease

humor MsDirtyLittleSecret 2018-02-26

I was sitting in the passenger seat with my legs and arms crossed, pretending to ignore him as I looked out the window, watching the traffic slowly move by. “Yes, I do but more importantly right now, I want you naked so stop trying to change the subject and take off the dress, beautiful," he teased as he winked at me. I saw him quickly look out the windshield to check traffic before turning towards me, leaning in to pull the material down and take hold of my right breast in his big hand. My lips parted and covered the head of his stiff member and once I enveloped the tip, I immediately felt his fist grip onto my hair and heard him let out a low moan.

Lushie Christmas

humor meredith 2018-02-26

Santa looks over the gathering crowd of elves, “Who was responsible for programming the delivery system this year?” Looking for the right words the lone elf begins, "They decided that if some Naughty Girls and Boys got presents on Christmas that it might turn them nice. I'll tell one thing, those young girls have a lot energy that can really test guy, but those older gals sure could Jingle Old Santa's Bells.” Giving the elf a playful punch that sends him reeling into the snow, “If you know what I mean?” Running to catch up with Santa the elf queries, “So you really want the naughty girls on the list next year again?”

I Vont Yu Gummy Bear

humor Adagio 2018-02-26

The Vampire ladies having a wake sale of stale tomato aspic (a placebo for blood) to fatten the meager cougher's of the coven. She grasped my cock and bestowed on it a slippery kiss, as I eased on down to her cunt. "Have you ever tried eating pussy, wearing a crash helmet and magnifying goggles with a snorkel?" I was at a disadvantage, with the doctor's safety accouterments, but I gave my cock a good showing. Pecan being my weakness. Silently, in my bestest vampire canter, I eased up to the window. She was sitting in a hair salon chair, paging through a horoscope and dinosaur magazine. Making me home sick, with memories of the invention of the square wheel.

Shopping trips with Sherry

humor David929 2018-02-26

Sherry tells her that I need to remain there a bare minimum of fifteen minutes, prompting a laugh. Sandy laughs and comments that all naughty boys need kept in tow, also noticing that a few have added their name to the larger paddle. Sherry has replaced my pink thong with one in a floral print and asks me to model it before putting on my jeans, causing more laughs. "Also, if our Davey needs corner time during a show," Sherry adds, "please see to it. I then put my thong in the hamper and am walked to the corner totally naked by Sherry, causing much laughter and whistles. Sherry has a ready supply of lightweight paddles for each new Mommy, while some had me also sign ones they brought along and used on me.

Dante Abbracciavento PI: Find the man with the buckles on his shoes - Pt2

humor gilrenard 2018-02-25

Leo smiled and held up his hands as he spoke, “We’re only here to talk, Dante. If you don’t trust me anymore, maybe it’s time I moved shop and let you deal with the cops,” I snarled back, there was no fucking way I was going to bend over and take it in the ass. I closed the door behind them; I turned to Viv and said, "Hell of a first day on the job." I smiled at her, letting her know she was safe. She straddled me as she shook her head slowly and said, "No, I want to feel you inside me now." She grabbed my cock and positioned her hips over it.

I Vont Yu Devils On Horseback

humor Adagio 2018-02-25

He was looking for night crawlers and I told him my girlfriend crawled with the best, when swinging on a pole and licking toe jam. "Ask her, if the feet have toe jam, Ezekiel?" With each sliding stroke of her hand, the jack raised me until I touched the inner roof panel. "It’s intermission, Ezekiel, use the hand sanitizer. All us vampires know that we’re supposed to wash our hands and fang before and after toe jam. The mouse on my shoulder was wearing a parka and earmuffs as I asked her what she wanted from the concession stand. When I return to the empty car, a small bat was hanging on the speaker pole, wearing a wimple and singing, "Shall we gather at the river, where bright angel feet have trod..."

I Vont Yu Soggy Foxy Box

humor Adagio 2018-02-24

The box literally falling apart, with splinters and fecal matter, lumped like coal in a corner with a thousand eyes. Moments later as Ezekiel exits the Desoto, at the coffin emporium. He was greeted by a shapely curvaceous woman, who was in early stages of vampire change-over. Soon to be fleshy thighs before his eyes and tongue. She was a tall shapely woman with long red hair and deep blue eyes that looked right through him. Vampire King. It was as if the sighs of ghouls and tormented souls were being carried by the howling wind. Arriving by car, a distant mile from the city line. She was flaunting her flesh at me as I demonstrated my cantering-pace, sliding my knuckles across the hardwood floor as my watch fob rattled and the hands on the dial spun.

A bored housewife's amusing tale

humor Mysteria27 2018-02-24

A few of the men had suggested to Tracy that since she gave incredible cyber-sex, maybe she should start to write erotic stories. Tracy slipped her finger into her bald pussy and began to fuck herself. Tracy then typed back to her friend that her pussy was so wet. Just as Tracy was about to orgasm her Hitachi Magic Wand started to spark and caught on fire. Tracy was a very wet girl and she always seemed to short out the damn vibrators. Tracy was going to be getting her Hitachi wand tomorrow from Amazon, but still wanted something for her orgasm today. Tracy started to notice all these men coming into the store and going to a back room.

Dream Job (Everyman's Fantasy)

humor DirtyMartini 2018-02-21

"I think students should be taught real life skills," said the woman in a determined voice, "Like oral sex." "Yes, Mr. Chairman," said Miss Dover quietly. "Mr. Chairman," said Miss Dover in a quiet deliberate tone, "I have done some research and asked people who I acknowledge to be experts in the field and they all tell me the same thing." "Actually, you will be teaching oral sex to high school seniors at a prestigious all-girls’ school in Southern California," she said as she leaned over and touched my arm. For a moment there is sounded like you said I will be teaching oral sex at an all-girls school in Southern California." I was surprised I got those words out.

Gravel In My Gurdy

humor Adagio 2018-02-21

I left off as Hurley and Zelda were moped-bopping. I pulled the BMW R16 moto-cycle with sidecar into the lot of the Boll-Weevil Motel. Finally getting settled in the room, Zelda was taking a shower. He took a peek and watched Zelda and the housemaid wilding away in April Showers bath salts. She must have entered the room when he was squinting. Zelda's clit was hung up in the faucet and the maids tits were floating like water wings. The maid did hip service as she donned a robe and left as Zelda came out the bath wearing a shower cap. Later that night has Zelda slept I reopen the laptop to the same chat room.

Healthcare Reform (A nurse fantasy)

humor DirtyMartini 2018-02-21

A few minutes later I was called to an examination room by a rather hot looking blond haired nurse. I noticed that she just stood there looking at me with those big blue eyes and a sly grin on her face. Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit." She said with a giggle and a grin, "I'm just going to pass Miss Kitty over your whole body. Dr. Finebutt seemed to sense the need of the patient and began to provide relief as only a good doctor could as she eased herself onto my very stiff cock. Better than I have in years." I replied, "In fact, I feel like a new man."

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

humor L8LastNight 2018-02-19

“You really slipped a hell of a lot of rum in Kara’s nog,” Allyson whispered, leaning in close to Tru on the sofa. The two of them, along with Fatema and Peri who were seated on the rug, watched as Kara stumbled around the room, semi-delirious. Fatema flashed a scolding frown toward Tru. She said to Kara, “Dinner was amazing! Allyson was about to set aside her present when Kara said, “You have to wear it, Al.” Fatema and Peri gawked and giggled as Tru and Allyson both grabbed hold of the giant dildo and spread their lips around it like two ends of a jumbo dog. Ten minutes later, Kara slumped in her chair, oven mitts over her face and the offending thick, black dildo still in her hand.


humor Adagio 2018-02-19

Horseputty says to BigTits: I like your avatar Horseputty says to FeloniousGooch69: why are you showing me your fat ass  ZelGooch says to FeloniousGooch69: Hurley, I thought you were going bowling BigTits says to FeloniousGooch69: stick that cigarette up your ass FeloniousGooch69 says to BigTits: you should see Zelgooch chew gum with her pussy Horseputty says to ZelGooch69:what are you going to do with the roller skates FeloniousGooch69 says to BigTits: do you take it in the ass Beckky4U says to ZelGooch: a 5 minute time out for cam abuse  BigTits says to FeloniousGooch69: why do you squint your eyes when you grab your metal nozzle  FeloniousGooch69 says: I have a booger on my screen, looks like it has legs 

Shadow's Ivy

humor Adagio 2018-02-18

Like other members of the family flock, I attended Dartmouth University, majoring in mediocrity and minoring in meteorology, following in my uncle's footsteps, chasing tornadoes and aspiring stage dancers... In spite of my freaking insomnia, I rendered my pen to writing erotica and, at the same time, practised new knots on green ivy while practising self restraint bondage. Lost in the bushes of the maze, he would many times have to send up smoke signals, like the heathens of the swamps, for assistance. As small particles of light came in from around the creases of the closed window, creating shadows on the walls as she mimed that of a horny large bird seeking worms to feed her diet of the moment, penises in a row of all different sizes and communions.

There Is Nothing To Be seen

humor Adagio 2018-02-18

Next to laying my penis on top of the liverwurst, topped by the bread and jacking off with it, there ain't nothing better then with wax paper. It had been several weeks ago, while visiting a local nursery, I happen to run into Dionaea (Dione) Muscipula, my now new girl friend. Although looking for blue fescue seeds for the home terrace I was immediately smitten by her. Hurley (my best friend) was a medical school drop out in 1947 and now was Assistant Manager of Last Resort Car wash and was always featured as geriatric chamois and passenger side of the month employee. I thought it time for Hurley to look at her, seeing as he did have some medical schooling.